I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
