We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
