my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
