so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
