It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
