Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
