i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
