when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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