You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
