I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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