i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
