I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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