This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
