i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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