is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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