Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
