I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
