It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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