i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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