At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
