sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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