I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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