Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
