Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if i died would you start the facebook group?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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