So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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