college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
