Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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