I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize