My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
