first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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