Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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