Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize