I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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