so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
