I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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