Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
