Barsexuality is the new black.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
