im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
