You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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