What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
