Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
