how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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