I just cut my nipple shaving
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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