I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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