Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize