took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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