Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
