I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
