i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
