Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize