If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
