i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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