the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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