why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
