I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
