After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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