How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
