I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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