I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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