Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
