It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
