Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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