Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
