3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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