I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
