Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize