After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
