So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
