I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
