Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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