she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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