I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
