gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
