dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
