im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
MIDGETS
????
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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