Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
