The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
