I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
