Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize