just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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