dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
