i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
