1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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