we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
