I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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