What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
