My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
