that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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