I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
