I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
