She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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