I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
