No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
