He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
