I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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