I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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