also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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