I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize