I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
