Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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