If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
