You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize