i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
