I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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