i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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