Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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