I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
