this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
