ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Boobs speak an international language.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize