Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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