she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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