I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
