All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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